Visions of an Inner Eye
by Cynical Chaos
Summary: Something for a friend. Shinji's final thoughts of Asuka.


**Vision of an Inner Eye, Revelations of an Empty Heart**

by Cynical Chaos

Disclaimer: This is for a good friend who needs a little cheering up.

Something a little darker for me. Hopefully this will divert my friend from the course she has chosen.

I do not own these characters nor the anime from whence they came.

As I have said before, so now I say again: if you don't like what I done to these characters, then don't review.

"Passive" is the property of A Perfect Circle, all rights reserved.

"Dead as dead can be."

_Shinji sometimes wished he was of the legal drinking age. Then he could just forget his pains and the pain of those around him. He could ... just drift in a haze of forgetfulness..._

The doctor tells me

but I can't just believe him,

ever the optimistic one

_But Fate is cruel in her playfulness. She had placed him here in this now in this child for a reason, an irony that never escaped him. Yet he was here for. And all he had to do was find that reason. That his reason for his existence was a human female, well that had been the easy part to figure out. But which, and why, those were the important questions that he was desperate to answer. Perhaps it was the red head, the loud and boisterous German who was his purpose. He wasn't sure. She had many hurts that scarred her heart and infected her soul with the disease of a black past, and it was indeed true that she hid this with an attitude and a great deal of anger... But she couldn't fool him. He was an Outsider, a Visionary whose greedy little eye saw everything that she tried to hide.  
_

I'm sure of your ability to become

my perfect enemy

wake up and face me

don't play dead cuz maybe

someday I will walk this way

and say

"you disappoint me, maybe you're better off this way."

_Such as the fact that she had tried to kill herself twice. Once with a knife, the other time with a bottle of poisonous liquid. His Eye also saw what his host thought of her and felt for her. _

This boy felt for the girl. That would be the simplest way to explain the emotions is that they ranged from exasperation to true concern. This boy, his host, was an enigma similar to the girl, mayhap that was the reason that they were constantly at odds with each other and yet still felt for the other. They didn't argue constantly out loud, instead the variety of things that they did made up there differences. She dressed and acted in ways that were designed to attract attention, he acted cowed and submissive around her. They -

leaning over you here cold and catatonic

I catch a brief reflection of what you could

and might have been

it's your right and your ability to become

my perfect enemy

Shinji was worried. And while this didn't mean much to him, as he was a great worrier of many things, who this worry centered on did. The invincible Asuka had not shown up for school, nor for testing and, truly worrisome, she wasn't at the apartment. Any where in the apartment.

but maybe your better off this way

_Something worried his host. The Visionary, a creature created to see, was startled. He hadn't seen this. And he didn't know how to react. He couldn't do anything about it, he was just a passenger in this boy's mind. The most he could do is see, and that's all he could do. Not a pleasant thought for some, but he didn't dwell on it. He did dwell on what the boy would do though. It was all he could do. The boy, his host, wouldn't wait for anyone, he would just act. This 'acting' was part of his host's nature and rather an integral bit too. But where would he start his search ?  
_

go ahead and play dead  
I know you can hear this

Shinji didn't know where to begin his search for Asuka. That he had to search for her was obvious, at least it was to him. She had been acting weird in the past week. Moody, depressed and more apt to snap than bark. She had skipped out on school a lot too, choosing to stay at home rather than do anything or go anywhere that would put her in proximity with people who would question her odd behaviour. She had mentioned often that she had spent her time in some of the old ruins of the original Tokyo, but well, she-

He sighed. He was getting nowhere with this circular thinking. Time to act. He stepped outside and started walking.

go ahead and play dead

why can't you turn and face me?

He was indeed in the ruins of Old Tokyo. Had Asuka mentioned anything about this place? Anything specific?

There was -

_(the smell of blood. old and coppery, a clean scent that made his knees go weak. it wafted from)_

you fuckin' disappoint me

there! That room, off to his left had the scent all over it. He stepped into the room. He saw what he didn't want to, what he had expected the entire time, what his mind had told him would be the inevitable outcome.

_She lay there on an old bed naked and pale. The bed was small and allowed her arms to drape off of either side. The room wasn't silent as it should have been if this had been a theatrical play. Instead, this dead one was the feasting ground of maggots and flies; all gorging themselves on her blood and the droning of their wings was, to Shinji, the grim music of Asuka's funeral.. Blood, yes blood. The scent that was both life and death. Blood that made her pale and stained her fingers and the ground around them with a red that was almost desecratingly bright in a room filled with the gloom of dead sorrows and lost chances.  
_

passive aggressive bullshit

_A rusted knife lay in the pool of her blood where it had fallen from her fingers. As Shinji stared at the instrument that Asuka had used to end the pains she had refused to share, he felt a cold cynical bit in the back of his mind file these images away for further examination at a later date. He was enraged. That even a_ portion _him was capable of such callow unfeeling –!_

_He walked over to the pool and snatched up the knife. It had rusted on its edge, the edge Asuka had used to slit her wrists and fore arms. He looked at it and thought about its merciless weight, its edge and the despair he felt. He thought about how much he truly loved – yes, loved! – Asuka and how much she had hurt him by taking herself from him in this manner. But, he thought that what hurt the most was that she didn't even try to talk with him, with anyone about what had festered inside her._

"She died. She took herself away and I can only see one way to join her. I hope she waited."


End file.
